Vampire Shots
by Heartache14
Summary: A fun, sweet collection of Vampire Knight oneshots. Some silliness, some fluff, and a lot of fun! Chapter 2 - Late Night Munchies!
1. Innocent Questions

A/N: Hola, everyone! Welcome to my collection of oneshots for Vampire Knight! This is sorta my second fanfic for VK; I have a Death Note/Code Geass/Vampire Knight crossover but I don't think that counts. Most my other fics (the ones that I update consistently) are pretty serious, and since I love writing humor, I decided to start this collection of Vampire Knight oneshots! Woot! Even Zero's excited about it!

Zero: No, I'm not.

Moving on…

**Disclaimer:**

I (unfortunately) do not own VK. If I did there would be some significant, ahem, _changes_.

Zero: By changes, she means yaoi.

ENJOY!

* * *

Kaname usually prided himself on being prepared for anything. It was in his blood, after all. It was the job of a pureblood, no matter how young, to take charge of any situation; to boldly continue where others shy away. Nothing could embarrass or fluster him. He was composed, authoritative. Nothing could surprise or alarm him!

"Kaname-sama, where do babies come from?"

Or so he thought.

It took all he had not to spit out his tea. The pureblood looked down at the seven year old girl before him. Had she really just asked him that?

"Um, Yuuki, perhaps you should ask your father that," Kaname explained gently, glancing frantically over at Kaien, hoping he would take over the situation from here.

However, Cross wore a look that obviously said, _I don't think so. I would much rather sit back and watch on amusedly_.

Yuuki pouted in the direction of her adopted father. "But when I asked him, he told me some stupid story about a giant bird that delivers babies. Doesn't that sound ridiculous, Kaname-sama?"

Kaname cleared his throat, clearly unsettled. He didn't say anything in response. Yuuki crawled onto his lap and looked up at him with her big brown eyes. Her facial expression could only be described as a pout. If Kaname didn't know better, he would've sworn that she was trying to use her cuteness against him. But sweet little Yuuki wouldn't do that, right?

Right?

The frazzled pureblood cleared his throat once more. "You see, Yuuki, when a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes they want to touch each other." He looked up when he heard Kaien snort quite suddenly. Obviously, the man was trying to keep from bursting out laughing.

Yuuki interrupted with an innocent question. "Like hug and kiss?"

The vampire grew steadily uncomfortable. "Uh, yes. Sort of."

"Sort of?" she repeated.

It was then that Kaien spoke up. "Sometimes, they do more than hug and kiss, Yuuki."

The young girl's head snapped back up to her vampire. "Like what? Do they touch other places?"

Kaname looked over at Cross, half expecting him to speak up. He quickly realized that the only reason Cross had spoken up a few minutes ago was to fuel the fire. He fully intended to leave Kaname hanging in the dust, fumbling through this conversation on his own.

"Yes, Yuuki. There are certain places that only two people who love each other very much get to touch."

"Oh! You mean private parts!"

"Um, yes. So, uh…when a boy's special place, er, touches a…girl's special place, it…they…umm…"

Yuuki eagerly finished his sentence, "They make a baby and the baby gets in the girl's tummy!"

Kaname nodded just as excitedly. Finally, this conversation would be over! "That's exactly what happens!"

Satisfied, Yuuki hopped up off of Kaname's lap and bounced into the kitchen. The pureblood then shifted his gaze to Cross. The second Yuuki was out of the room, Kaien burst into laughter. It was rare to see a pureblood, especially Kaname Kuran, so uncomfortable and embarrassed. Most people wouldn't have risked something like that; it was practically suicide! But Kaien could honestly say that if Kaname killed him right now, he would die happy because he got to see that before passing away!

When Yuuki re-entered the room with a cookie in her hand, her "father" was still laughing hysterically and Kaname was still glaring at the poor man. She shattered the moment with yet another innocent question:

"Kaname-sama, what happens when two boys touch each other?"

* * *

A/N: Woot! It's short but that seems to be my theme for fanfics these days. So, because I need to get more organized with these things, I've decided to make a schedule of sorts. I'll probably put it on my profile, so if you're reading any of my stories, you'll have a rough estimate of when I'll update. Quick side note: if anyone's reading _The Darkest Dream_, I promise I WILL UPDATE SOON!

SEE YA NEXT TIME!


	2. Late Night Munchies

A/N: And it's time for another Vampire Shot! Yay!

Zero: Someone's in a good mood.

Me: Yup! ^-^ 'Cuz I passed my physics quiz yesterday AND today I updated a fic that I had abandoned for almost a year. But now Heartache-chan is back and more determined than ever! o Let's see if we can get this chapter up before 9:45 pm!

**Disclaimer:** Heartache-chan does not own Vampire Knight. But she does own Shiki!

Zero: No, you don't.

Me: Shut the hell up, Zero!

Zero: Fine, get sued then. See if I care.

ENJOY!

* * *

WHIPPED CREAM

"Ichiru, this is stupid as hell."

Ichiru glanced over his shoulder to shoot a glare at his brother. Zero couldn't help but shiver. That was damn creepy! Was that the feeling people got when he glared at them? Zero almost felt bad.

Key word: Almost.

"C'mon, Zero," Ichiru whined, "you can't tell me you've never wanted to play a prank on Kuran. This is sure to work. It's daytime, so he's probably not gonna be up. We prank him, we laugh, we run like hell. There's no way this can go wrong!"

_Yeah, except for the part where Kuran wakes up as soon as we enter the room, then kills us for disturbing his slumber._ Zero snorted, but followed his twin as they lurked around to the Moon Dorm. Of course, because they were lurking, that made them all the more obvious to the ten different students (coughWITNESSEScough) who saw them. However, no one said anything because, well, Zero-chan was _scary_.

The twins managed to slip into the Moon Dormitory undetected, and immediately made their way up the stairs to Kaname's room. They tiptoed over to the bed where the pureblood lay sleeping.

Kuran was sleeping on his back, but the thick luxurious (over-priced) comforter covered most of his face. One of his hand was peeking out of the covers, thankfully, making Zero and Ichiru's plan that mush easier.

Zero readied the can of whipped cream and aimed at Kaname's open palm. He and Ichiru tenses. Prepared to run like hell, when the can let out a loud, farting noise. Miraculously, Kuran remained asleep, Ichiru and Zero breathed a quick sigh of relief.

Ichiru carefully leaned over their victim and tickled his nose with a long, white feather. Time seemed to move in slow motion as Kuran's cream-covered palm (A/N: that sounds so wrong!) reached up to scratch at his noise. Like a perfectly synchronized dance, Zero and Ichiru burst in fits of raucous laughter just as the pureblood smeared whipped cream all over his face.

Wide brown eyes stared up at the twins in disbelief. Zero and Ichiru tried to contain their laughter long enough to escape, but they both noticed something strange about Kuran. One, his body looked strangely…feminine. And two, his eyes were a little…too innocent.

"Yuki?" the brothers gasped in perfect unison. At that exact moment, Kaname decided to enter the room.

"Yuki, I'm back with your ice cream. The didn't Super Ultra-Mega Fudge Brownie ice cream, so I had to get you Not Quite Super Ultra-Mega But Still Really Good Fudge Brownie…" his voice trailed away as he took in the sight before him. Yuki (with whipped cream on her face), Zero (holding the incriminating can of whipped cream), and Ichiru (holding…a feather?). What the hell was going on?

"Okay, in an attempt to not kill you two immediately," Kaname addressed the twins, "I'm going to leave the room and re-enter in exactly five seconds. Then, I am going to pretend that none of this ever happened."

* * *

MUFFINS

"Zero, I made you something delicious!" Yuki exclaimed, with a particularly sweet (read: suspicious) smile on her face. "It's a blueberry muffin! I made it myself," she finished proudly.

Ichiru walked up resting his chin on Zero's right shoulder. "Don't do it, Zero. She probably did something to it. And even I she didn't, its probably going to taste awful." Kaname also appeared, resting his chin on Zero's let shoulder. "Eat it, Kiryu. It will make Yuki happy."

"But, Ichiru's probably right. Yuki can't cook."

"I'm sorry, but I don't recall really giving you an option," Kaname's tone was threatening, but he maintained a charming smile. "If you do anything to upset my dear girl, I'll be forced to punish you, Kiryu-kun."

Ichiru's eye twitched, and he slid further away from creepy vampire. "Just do it, Zero. Whatever he has in mind is probably worse." (A/N: Much, much worse)

Zero reluctantly accepted the muffin and took a small bite. His nose wrinkled in extreme displeasure. Kaname pinched off a small piece of the muffin to taste as well. He had to fight the urge to pit it out. "Yuki, what did you put in here?"

Yuki shrugged. "You know, the usual. Muffin mix, milk, blueberries, some of my deliciously irresistible blood. The usual," she repeated.

And that day they all learned that blueberries and Yuki do not taste good together.

* * *

SHIKI

Aido glared at the silent vampire sitting in front of him. The ice user tapped his foot impatiently. "For the last time, Shiki, where the hell is my Pocky? You're the only who would've have taken it!"

"Why would I take your pocky, Aido?" Shiki dodged the question.

"Er, probably because I always take yours, so you wanted revenged." Shiki merely shrugged and took a sip of his soda in response. Hanabusa just watched him with wide eyes. Even though Senri wasn't making a facial expression, he almost looked like a little kid for a minute. Aido almost felt bad.

Key word: Almost.

Finally, the unemotional vampire spoke. "I already ate it."

Aido wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or scream. All he wanted was the sweet, heavenly taste of some chocolate Pocky! Alas, Senri managed to dash on those dreams with a blank expression on his face. But then, the ubiquitous light bulb went off above his head.

Shiki had eaten his Pocky. The Pocky was now a part of him. Therefore, if he ate Shiki, he would basically be eating Pocky, right? Right? It was because of this train of thought that Hanabusa leaned over and bit Shiki, right on top of his head.

Shiki just sat there drinking his soda and Aido nom-ed on his head. Takuma and Kain both strolled into the room.

"Takuma, Aido bit me on the head." Shiki's monotone voice immediately put Ichijo into action.

"Are you trying to eat him? Like, physically chew and swallow him?"

Er…yeah?

* * *

A/N: And this is what happens when I'm high off of my own awesomeness. There shall be a continuation to that last little part. These were just little drabbles that randomly popped into my head. Don't be surprised if you see more of this type of stuff.

So, please review, so Shiki won't get eaten! ^-^

SEE YA NEXT TIME!


End file.
